2012
Director: Peter Berg
Writers: Erich Hoeber, Jon Hoeber
Runtime: 131 min
Stars: Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker, Rihanna, Tadanobu Asano and Liam Neeson.
- Spoilers alert -
This Sunday I wanted to watch The Raven at the cinema, but suddenly I discovered myself watching Battleship. Gaping first 20 minutes, finally I was sticked to my chair after finding prima: there are... Japanese onboard?! secunda: the second to the main character was to my surprise, Japanese captain Nagata, who was mocking our brave Alex... tertia: he (Tadanobu Asano) acted better than Alex (Taylor Kitsch), so I was waiting all the movie, if he's going to die heroically in keeping with the best traditions of Japan canonic movie production. But they killed, I'm sorry to say that, another good guy.
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| That's not Alex. That's his elder bro ( Skarsgård) |
As for the whole thing. I saw sooo looong ears of tonnes other movies, stick out from each episode and each scene of Battleship. After the third canonic epic fail crashed upon Alex, I decided to see not the heroic battle against evil aliens, but the comedy about brave sailors.
So some very naïve scientists (they ALWAYS are naïve, don't they?) transmits a powerful signal to the Universe, to reach one probably Earth-like planet. And so, 6 years later the signal was accepted... and 5 minutes later from that planet 5 scout ships were sent. I was amused by this timing wonders.
At that time one blockhead leutenant, named Alex, wanted to propose to the girl he adored. Fortunately she loved him back. Unfortunately she was his patron's beloved daughter. Also Alex started fighting with Nagata, an offices from another ship.
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| Taking off alien's helmet... |
And at the same time massive naval exercise started. And those luckless aliens fell down into the ocean right under Alex's and Nagata's very nose. It was their epic fail number one.
Wanted to be undiscovered by enemy, ecipage with Nagata as real acting commander (with Alex who's officially acting commander) found the way to fight: as in Hasbro's Battleship board game. In fact, the movie is based on this game...
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| That's Alex (Kitsch) w/Rihanna |
To be short, good won, evil failed. Alex is going to marry his big-boob-girl. I've got just one question: if it took just 5 minutes for 5 alien spaceships to get here, why earthians're so happy? It's about time to be ready for spacebattle... (Spacebattleship Yamato? Just crossed my mind).
There were some nice jokes about China and Chinese. For ex., when one soldier is looking at the ubnormal strange something, sticked up from water, he says: "Don't know, what the f..ck it is, made in China probably" (that's my translation from Russian translation ^^). Also I liked that moment, when one of those crazy scientists met combat veteran and double amputee Mic and screemed: "Cyborg!"
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| Tadanobu Asano |
Those aliens reminded me some characters from Babylon 5 (oh, my darling commander Sinclair... I miss you so...). I didn't and I still don't understand what Rihanna is for in this movie... she's even not singing there! Short murmuring is no object.
Tadanobu Asano was starring in Zatôichi, Mongol, Thor, etc. (I haven't watched Thor yet! Shame on me!)
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| Taken from here |
Links: imdb.com, wiki.
